worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
