So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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