I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
