Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
