woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
