Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
