Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize