Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
