I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize