she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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