Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
