I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
