Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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(708): View more from Illinois

Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

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(650): View more from California

Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.

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(406): View more from Montana

You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.

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(646): View more from New York

I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He literally asked permission to hit on me

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