you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
