and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
