I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Vodka?
Forever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
