hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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