I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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