I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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