I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize