I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
