oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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