my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Drake has all the answers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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