everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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