I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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