hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
