There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
