I hope mine doesn't look like that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
