There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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