is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
