Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't deserve a penis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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