you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize