I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pooping to opera.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
