Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
