I looked at my own cervix.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
