if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
