it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
