Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
