It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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