I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
