I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
