I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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