my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
