It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
