my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
