I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
