All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
