Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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