first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
