I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
