He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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