yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
