dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
