Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have already put on my inside pants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
