We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
