There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The uberlube is also flammable
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
