There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
