dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
