I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
