CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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