One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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