so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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