Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
