guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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