She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
