what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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