Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Come see our sink grown plant.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
