If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
