Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
