ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
