ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize